November is Men's Health Month, a time to recognise that mental health is just as important as physical health. While more men are talking openly about their wellbeing than ever before, many still find it difficult to ask for help when they need it. Checking in on ourselves and looking after our mates can make a real difference.
Whether you're supporting a friend, a son, a brother, a partner, a father, or looking after your own wellbeing, small conversations and acts of connection can help create a culture where men feel safe to speak up and seek support.
Changing the Conversation
What it means to be a man is evolving, and many men are helping to create a culture where it's okay to talk openly about mental health. Public figures such as Sir John Kirwan have shared their own experiences with mental health challenges, helping to break down stigma and encourage others to seek support when they need it.
While progress has been made, many men still feel pressure to be strong, self-reliant, and able to cope on their own. Although resilience is valuable, these expectations can sometimes make it harder to acknowledge when support is needed.
For some men, cultural expectations, social pressures, or past experiences may create additional barriers to seeking help. Māori and Pasifika men continue to experience significant mental health challenges, highlighting the importance of culturally responsive support and strong community connections.
Creating safe spaces for boys and men (tāne) to express emotions, show vulnerability, and ask for help is an important part of supporting positive mental health and wellbeing.
Signs a Mate Might Be Struggling
Mental health challenges don't always look the way we expect. Sometimes a friend, colleague, or family member may not directly tell us they're struggling.
Some signs to look out for include:
Withdrawing from friends, whānau, or activities they usually enjoy.
Becoming more irritable, frustrated, or angry than usual.
Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or energy levels.
Increased use of alcohol or other substances.
Taking more risks than usual.
Seeming overwhelmed, stressed, or disconnected while insisting they're "fine".
Losing interest in hobbies, work, or relationships.
If you're concerned about someone, a simple conversation can make a difference. Asking, "How are you really doing?" and listening without judgement can help someone feel seen, supported, and less alone.
Looking After Our Mates
You don't need to be a mental health professional to support someone who may be struggling.
You can:
Check in regularly.
Listen more than you talk.
Avoid rushing to solve the problem.
Let them share at their own pace.
Encourage them to seek support if needed.
Remind them they don't have to face challenges alone.
Sometimes simply showing up, being present, and letting someone know you care can have a powerful impact.
Te Whare Tapa Whā: A Holistic View of Wellbeing
The Māori model of health and wellbeing, Te Whare Tapa Whā, developed by Sir Mason Durie, provides a helpful framework for understanding the factors that support good mental health.
In this model, wellbeing is represented by a wharenui (meeting house) with four walls. Each wall represents an important aspect of wellbeing:
Taha wairua – spiritual wellbeing.
Taha hinengaro – mental and emotional wellbeing.
Taha tinana – physical wellbeing.
Taha whānau – family and social wellbeing.
The foundation of the whare is whenua, representing our connection to the land, environment, and sense of belonging.
When one part of the whare is weakened, the whole structure can be affected. When all parts are supported, wellbeing is strengthened.
Strengthening Each Wall of Wellbeing
Taha whānau (Family and Social Wellbeing)
Taha whānau refers to the people we care about who give us a sense of connection and belonging. This includes family, friends, colleagues, teammates, and community.
Ways to strengthen taha whānau include:
Spending time with supportive people.
Joining a community or interest group.
Reaching out to someone you haven't spoken to in a while.
Making time for meaningful conversations.
Taha wairua (Spiritual Wellbeing)
Taha wairua is about finding meaning, purpose, hope, and connection. For some people this may involve faith or spirituality, while for others it may come through culture, creativity, nature, or personal values.
Ways to strengthen taha wairua include:
Spending time in nature.
Reflecting on what gives your life meaning.
Practising gratitude.
Connecting with culture, traditions, or spiritual practices.
Taha tinana (Physical Wellbeing)
Taha tinana is about caring for your body and recognising the connection between physical and mental health.
Ways to strengthen taha tinana include:
Moving your body regularly.
Prioritising sleep.
Eating nourishing foods.
Attending regular health check-ups.
Limiting alcohol and other substances.
Taha hinengaro (Mental and Emotional Wellbeing)
Taha hinengaro includes our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and emotional responses.
Ways to strengthen taha hinengaro include:
Talking about how you're feeling.
Learning stress management techniques.
Taking breaks when needed.
Seeking help when things feel overwhelming.
Practising mindfulness or relaxation exercises.
Whenua (Connection to Land and Place)
Whenua represents our connection to the land, our environment, our ancestors, and our sense of belonging.
Ways to strengthen this connection include:
Spending time outdoors.
Visiting places that are meaningful to you.
Gardening or caring for the environment.
Connecting with your local community and culture.
It's Okay to Ask for Help
Everyone faces challenges at times. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. In fact, recognising when you need support is a sign of strength, courage, and self-awareness.
If stress, anxiety, low mood, or difficult emotions are affecting your daily life, talking with someone you trust can be an important first step. Early support can help prevent challenges from becoming more overwhelming and make recovery easier.
Support is Available
If you or someone you care about is experiencing anxiety or emotional distress, support is available.
Anxiety NZ's 24/7 0800 ANXIETY Helpline provides free support and guidance whenever you need it. You may also find these organisations helpful:
Men's Sheds New Zealand – community spaces where men connect, learn, and contribute through practical projects.
Man Alive – counselling and support services for men.
Looking after our mates starts with checking in, listening, and reminding one another that nobody has to face life's challenges alone. Sometimes a simple conversation is the first step towards better mental health and wellbeing.
